Why Can’t I Relax Even When Things Are Fine?

One reason stress doesn’t always resolve is that the nervous system doesn’t only respond to events. It learns and responds to 𝗽𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲.

What this means is that under longer stretches of ongoing stress, what should be a temporary stress response can become an 𝗮𝗹𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱 𝗯𝗮𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲, 𝗮 “𝗻𝗲𝘄 𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗹.”

When this happens, your brain starts issuing automatic, habitual instructions that keep you primed and ready, even when those instructions make it harder to switch off and when the stress may have eased off.

This means that even when the pressure has eased, and your schedule has improved, you may still find yourself tense, alert or unable to switch off. This is why “I know I’m okay” doesn’t always translate into “I feel okay.” It’s a pattern I’ve seen often with clients over the last 17 years.

The brain and body learn from what happens repeatedly. If your days have required you to stay ready for the next demand, it can take time and repeated opportunities to settle before that readiness begins to ease.

We are highly adaptive. Just as stress readiness can become a familiar pattern, we can practise recognising activation, responding to it and making room for recovery. Small, consistent habits matter: transitions between activities, breaks during the day, noticing muscle tension, breathing comfortably and protecting sleep.

When it comes to nervous system training and stress recovery, the way we live moment to moment often matters most.

Read More:
How Stress Rewires Your Brain and Body: And why it becomes a cycle

Hi, I’m Nicola Turner, MSc. I bring 17 years of psychological practice, 10 years in HR, an MSc in CBT and specialist training in physiological recovery, nervous system regulation and body-based approaches.

My approach to nervous system training brings together an understanding of how body, mind, brain and environment interact under stress, and how you can work with those patterns to navigate life’s pressures with greater ease.

I work with individuals carrying ongoing responsibilities at work and at home who want to feel less caught up in stress, less exhausted and more able to switch off. If you’d like to explore how this approach could support you personally, see how I work with individuals.

I also work with organisations to deliver workplace talks and training for managers, HR professionals and coaching teams who want to understand how stress affects people at work and what can help.

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